50 Questions: Nine Things I Just Can’t Handle (Get your puke bag ready)

What are 9 things you just can’t handle?

I figured since today is an “ass planted firmly in chair” day, I would answer a longer one and get caught up so my blogs posts are going live between two and four a.m. (That is what I am always aiming for).

Now, for the nine things I just can’t handle! There isn’t much that grosses me out (I was a CNA) so I had to go to my “anxiety inducing” list for the rest.

I Can’t Handle It #1: Decomposing Meat

I could not find an image that didn’t make me want to hurl. There are a few gory stories to go with it.

Gory Story #1: We had ran an animal rescue when I lived in Tennessee. We had a couple mom dog with puppies dropped off. There were so many dogs and we were trying to find them all homes. At one point, we had about 20 something dogs, I don’t remember how many cats, a couple birds, and some fish. All rescues! As we were finding homes for them it was getting a little easier to manage.

Every morning I would go outside, count adults, count the puppies, separate them into groups and then start feeding them all. It was a lot of work but totally worth it. One day I went outside and there was one puppy missing named Polka Dots.

SQUIRREL ALERT!

GEDSC DIGITAL CAMERA

I just went to Google to see if I could find a photo of any of our puppies from years and years and years ago.

I didn’t find one… BUT I did just spend about 20 minutes surfing through photos of puppies on Google Image Search.

They are so freaking adorable! I almost want one… almost.

Back to the post…

So we fed the dogs and then later we went looking for the puppy… Nowhere to be found. Understand, we lived on eight acres of land with woods on it. So the puppy could be anywhere. We looked all day. No sign of little Polka Dots.

Next day, still nothing… I think you can see where this is going, right? It was about a week later and the neighbors called us. At this point, we could smell this rotting flesh smell but could not find the source even though we all suspected it was Polka Dots. The neighbors tell us that they found the missing dog near one of the trees at the border of our properties. It had died and was decomposing. My son and I grabbed trash bags and supplies and headed down there.

Through all this story… I have been trying not to gag… Brace yourself, it gets worse. If you are easily grossed out, you may want to skip to the next (much shorter) story.

SO, we get to the tree and I am gagging from the putrid smell that is now twiddling my nostril hairs and rubbing my uvula (link to uvula for you pervs). I managed to contain my gagging and dry heaving long enough to try to get the puppy into the bag. We had gloves, a shovel, and anything else we thought would help get Polka Dots off the ground as generally speaking, I am creeped out by dead things.

My son went to just pick him up and his skin just rolled off him body leaving behind a gooey, deep reddish black, liquid mess, that started pouring out with a tidal waves of maggots squirming out behind it … I think I am going to puke … Anyway, at that point I finally lost it and threw up. The smell of decomposing Polka Dots was just too much for me. The sight of vomit covered decomposing Polka Dots and maggots covered in reddish black goo was … *dry heaves* Okay, next story… screw this. Suffice it to say, it was bad and very gory and I couldn’t handle it!

Gory Story #2: Ham in the car.

We went shopping an bought a months worth of groceries in Tennessee in July. When we got home, we emptied the car of food stuffs and put it all away. Later that month, I went to make the ham I bought only to realize it wasn’t in the freezer. I shrugged it off as something I just forgot to buy and let it go.

Mini squirrel alert! I hate that song!

By the end of the month, I made a new grocery list and we were ready to go shopping again. Part of getting ready to go was cleaning out the car. I open the doors was hit by a wave of funk that wasn’t as bad as Polka Dots, the puppy, but I ended up puking in the yard.

The ham had rolled up under the driver’s seat and was rotting for a month in a car in the Tennessee summer heat (of like 104 with 97% humidity!). If you didn’t know me better, you would have thought I killed someone and shoved their body in the trunk of my car and forgot to dump them somewhere. It took MONTHS to get that smell out of the car!

I Can’t Handle It #2: Skunk Smell

pepe le pew quotes Google Search

Do I really need to give a wordy story on this one? I mean, I can’t really think of anyone who is like, “Oh em gee! I love the smell of skunk! Spray it on me, baby!”

As a side note/ slight squirrel alert: We found that Odoban in a 1:1 ratio mix with water, actually kills the smell of skunk. You have to really drench the area with it and then let it air dry.

I get nothing for saying this. I just really like Odoban.

I Can’t Handle It #3: Stupid People

I am not talking about people who have a blonde moment or a that time where you lose your train of thought. I mean those times when people argue with me over things that are stupid. Someone actually argued that eggs are dairy so I shouldn’t eat them because I have trouble with milk.

Eggs are NOT dairy. Dairy is something that comes from the mammary glands of cows like, milk, cheese, yogurt, etc. Eggs do not come from cows. It comes from chickens butts, not cow boobs.

Or when people argue with me that I can eat a little piece of something that I am allergic to. No, no I can’t. Well, okay, technically I could but I don’t feel like dying. Thanks anyway!

I Can’t Handle It #4: Vomit

I am not googling this one either. Actually, I just did. WHY do people actually post pictures of their friends puking? They posted it on the internet. That is so NASTY! EW!

Vomit actually makes me want to vomit. Eeeew…

I Can’t Handle It #5: Crying Babies

crying baby Google SearchPut the pitch forks and flamethrowers back. Before you send the death threats, this isn’t one where I would be mean about it. It’s not that I would kick a baby or something.

Hearing a crying baby makes me want to cry too. It tugs at my heartstrings. I just want to pick them up, hold them to my chest, and drip tears all over their itty bitty baby heads. And Probably snot too.

When my babies cried, I would comfort them. If they didn’t stop crying, I would just start sobbing. I can’t handle crying. Come to think of it, when anyone is crying I usually fight back tears. I am such a wuss when it comes to crying people. Babies crying will put me in tears almost every time.

I Can’t Handle It #6: Food that bleeds

I don’t eat meat very often any more. I tend to lean towards a lacto-ovo vegetarian diet. Although I do have meat a couple of times a month because when you can’t cook for yourself, you are left to the mercy of those who cook for you. Usually I just get a share of whatever they are cooking.

But if you are going to cook meat for me, it better not show up to my table still bleeding. That is so disgusting! I mean, it’s bad enough that I have to eat it and hurt afterwards. I don’t want to taste it coming back up again. Bloody beef is fucking nasty! I would rather starve.

At the request of someone I am close to, I did try it once. All I tasted was blood for days! That is truly a vile taste. I can see wanting to eat meat but for fuck’s sake cook it first!

I Can’t Handle It #7: Thinking of things to add to a list post

Usually when I write a list post, I think of the title I want to work with. Like “Weird things I found on Amazon”. Then I browse Amazon and find things like this to add to the list.

Amazon.com 13 Inches Above Dildos Sex Toys Health Personal Care

OH MY GOD! Seriously? WHY? Like who the hell would use that thing???

Then when I am done, I count up the weird things I found on Amazon and name the new post like this, “Five really weird things I found on Amazon”.

Having a number picked out for me makes my brain shut off for some reason. Nine things? I made it to #7 and I am struggling.

I Can’t Handle It #8: Trying to think of anything else for this list…

Seriously, I have run out of things for the list. Nothing really bothers me that much. For sticking around this far, here is a picture of beads I made with paper and sharpies…

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I Can’t Handle It #9: Christmas Music.

Oh wait. I actually thought of one!

Don’t judge me. I like holidays lights.

One that annoys the crap out of me and makes me want to hurt someone (not literally) is Christmas music.

I can not STAND Christmas music.

It is SO fucking annoying! Like, it just grates on my last damned nerve. It makes me want to listen to death metal for the whole month.

It isn’t bad enough that it’s all shit music all the time for all of December… now they have it playing in November too.

WHY do all the songs have to suck so bad? I could just lock myself in my apartment for all of December.

And another thing! Christmas is on December 25th, not all month. I get so pissy because all month people are saying, “Merry Christmas”. It isn’t Christmas yet. Shut the fuck up! I’m going to start saying “Happy New Year” all December long.

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4 thoughts on “50 Questions: Nine Things I Just Can’t Handle (Get your puke bag ready)

  1. ooohhhh my god poor Polka Dots! Do you know what happened to him? I wasn’t at all grossed out by that story I was just so sad.

    You know what I just can’t handle? And this is a relatively new thing, I was googling “things you should never google” and lists come up and on a lot of the lists is holes – specifically the fear of. I snorted and thought whatever as if that’s a thing. It’s a thing. OMG after spending some time on google images looking at all the different holes…I can’t handle holes anymore! I have a hole phobia! Google it. Report back. haha.

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