Books! They are my Glimpse into Other Worlds.

I love books! I really enjoy reading (or listening to the audio books) because it gives me a chance to escape reality. So today, I am rambling on about Books. Leave a comment with your favorite book or series so I can add it to my reading list.

I’ll admit it, I have an addiction to old books. I collect them and put them on display in my house. Why? Because I love their smell, the feel of them, the pages feel, and the hard cover with cloth on it. It feels authentic when I look at them. It’s like a nostalgia but, not really.

My favorite books are poetry type books. Dr Seuss and Shel Silverstein are my favorite children’s authors. I had One fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish memorized through about 1/4 of the book.

When my kids were little, I would tell them I could read with my eyes closed, hold the book over my head, and then recite the story on the page. They were blown away… until they learned to read. Then the gig was up.

And now…

GEDSC DIGITAL CAMERA
My books from Redditgifts Book Exchange.

 

My Favorite Series

My friend, Leslie, got my into The Earth’s Children series. After reading Clan of the cave Bear (affiliate link), I was hooked. This is an excellent series about a girl I got all the books on a Redditgifts book exchange. Here is the story description from Amazon:

A natural disaster leaves the young girl wandering alone in an unfamiliar and dangerous land until she is found by a woman of the Clan, people very different from her own kind. To them, blond, blue-eyed Ayla looks peculiar and ugly–she is one of the Others, those who have moved into their ancient homeland; but Iza cannot leave the girl to die and takes her with them. Iza and Creb, the old Mog-ur, grow to love her, and as Ayla learns the ways of the Clan and Iza’s way of healing, most come to accept her. But the brutal and proud youth who is destined to become their next leader sees her differences as a threat to his authority. He develops a deep and abiding hatred for the strange girl of the Others who lives in their midst, and is determined to get his revenge.

The story is well written and really draws you in. I read that the author put a lot of research into writing the books too. They are amazing!

And now I pass it onto you… What is your favorite book or book series? Tell us in the comments below.

50 Questions: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Today’s 50 question is number 38.

“What do you want to be when you grow up? (Yes, there is still time!)

I thought I would answer this a wee bit different from just “I wanna be a writer!” I am listing what I wanted to be throughout my life.

Here are my top six of things I wanted to be (and why I didn’t become that).

What I wanted to be #1: A Bird

When I was in Kindergarten I wanted to be a bird.

3861293429_7503730268_z
Photo Credit: holyknight33 (is gone! too busy! sorry guys!) via StoolsFair / CC BY-NC

Specifically, I wanted to be a RED bird. For some reason, I didn’t realize that you stayed human through your whole life. I wanted to be able to fly. 

What happened? I stayed human. I know. That’s so anticlimactic. It would be cooler if I had turned into a lizard or a polar bear instead. That would make blogging a lot harder though.

What I wanted to be #2: A Teacher

Then came along the desire to be a teacher. I had dreams of being the best teacher EVER! I was going to be just like Mrs. Beaulafont, my third grade teacher.

What happened? As I got older, I realized that I like children, just not that much. I also get migraines easily with a lot of noise. I don’t want to be near them 8+ hours a day 5 days a week, 10 months out of the year. (School here starts August 31st and gets out June 9th). 

Plus, I realized that my idea of education and teaching varies greatly from the public school system’s idea of education and teaching. I would probably be fired by the end of year one.

What I wanted to be #3: Race Car Driver!

Yes, at one point in my life I wanted to be a race car driver. I wanted to feel the thrill of driving at stupidly high speeds and enjoy the exhilaration and rush of the sport.

11799405975_603e83e281_z.jpg
Photo credit: pedrosimoes7 via Foter.com / CC BY

What happened? When I was 18 years old, I was in a pretty bad accident that totaled my 1967 Plymouth Valiant. That thing was built like a tank.

I realized that if a car accident at 55 mph could total the Green Beast, I would probably die if I crashed a glorified aluminum can, even if it did have a reinforced roll cage in it.

What I wanted to be #4: A Nun

Oh how I dreamed of living in a cool cathedral style church, gardening, singing, praising God, and doing all the other cool Nun things.

1260863368_29c3d6cc8d_z
Photo credit: zoonabar via Foter.com / CC BY

What happened? I learned that you have to be Catholic to be a Nun. I am not, nor have I ever been, Catholic.

What I wanted to be #5: A Rodeo Clown

Yes, at one point in my life I wanted to be a rodeo clown because it combined rodeos (which I loved) and clowning (which I also loved) into one really cool job!

What happened? Common sense and self-preservation kicked in. I realized what could happen.

WARNING: Link is probably NSFW/ NSFL and you probably should not open it if you are squeamish. Why I am not a rodeo clown.

What I wanted to be #6: A Doctor or a Nurse or a Nurse Practitioner

Wouldn’t that be cool though? Helping people and saving lives would be the highlight of that career. Getting to know people would be cool too. Just making a difference in people’s lives would outweigh the bad things of the job. Right?

I did become a Certified Nurse Assistant and had a plan of working up to becoming a Physicians Assistant or Nurse Practitioner. 

10500891284_b272a3c59f_z.jpg
Photo credit: DES Daughter via Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA

What happened? Well… first off, I can’t afford to go to college. My credit sucks so hard it could suck the yoke out an egg through a pinhole so, loans are out.

I had made some plans for after both my kids turned 18 and all. But I ended up screwing up my back and I don’t think I would be able to go through college now.

It was a fun dream though.

What I want to be now

Now, I want to be a writer. Wait… I am a writer. I want to be a well-paid writer. Erma Bombeck is my idol for writing. 

10572419153_5ef018096a_z.jpg
Photo credit: Leukos. via Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

My goal is to publish one Erma Bombeck style book before I die. I should work on that.

So, what’s taking you so long? Self doubt. I am my own worse critic. I am the only thing holding me back. Admitting that doesn’t make it easier to do either. For right now, I am sharpening my writing skills.

I also have spent my off time getting all of my poems into a book. I decided to really take my time on it and get it how I want it – then I will publish it as my first book. I will work from there.

What do you want to be when you grow up? 

Questions From This Week … Answered!

I get questioned throughout the week about my blog and posts. My squirrel, Sparky, working in the background suggested that I make a post each week of the questions people asked. Her thinking was, if one person asked you, other people may want to know too. Good idea!

How is this different from MAILBAG! posts? These weren’t sent through email, comments, or any other social media site. These are questions my friends and family members asked in person, through text messages, or in chat.

Question 1: Did you reschedule the sleep study?

Continue reading

I AM CRAZY! I have PROOF!

Sorry for the late posting. I went to therapy today and started with, “I am crazy. I just know I am. I have lost my damned mind.” My Psychologist laughed and was all, “No you are not!” And I said, “I have PROOF!” So she humored me and listened.

First, don’t Google anything yet. Make notes and then compare them to what you remember and what Google says.

Remember Jiffy peanut butter?

I remember Jiffy peanut butter. Not Jif! JIFFY! My kids remember Jiffy peanut butter. In fact, they remember when it switched over to the name “Jif” because I bitched about it for about a month because I couldn’t my beloved Jiffy. Everyone in my apartment building remembers Jiffy. My mom remembers Jiffy. My friends remember Jiffy.

It was JIFFY. Not Skippy. JIFFY! Jiffy peanut butter was the bomb!

So I sent an email to Jif asking when they changed the name. Here is the email I got back. Remember… no Googling yet!

Reference Number 10680945 dotchi gmail.com Gmail

In case you can’t read it because of screen size, it says,

“… the name Jif was chosen because it was easy to say, spell and remember. It was never called Jiffy.”

Stay with me on this… changing subjects. This is NOT a squirrel alert! And stay off Google until I am done.

Berenst_in Bears Books

Remember the lovable anthropomorphic family of bears that lived in a tree and had wonderful lessons to teach in each book? How did you spell the name?

Berenstein?

Berenstain?

Write it down. Visualize the book in your head. If you have a book nearby, no peeking.

Back to therapy

So, I told my psychologist about these two things. I made sure she agreed with me that Jiffy peanut butter was real and that she spelled the bears names like I remembered. Then I blew her mind…

Jiffy peanut butter never existed. Ever. It isn’t a thing.

I remember spelling it, “BerenstEin”. How did you spell it? Write it down. Okay, now Google it.

It is spelled BerenstAin. I swear to you it was spelled with an E. She said, “No. It was spelled with an E.” and objected to the non-existence of Jiffy peanut butter.

She didn’t believe me SO much so that she went and got her computer and brought it in the counseling room and googled it herself. She seriously thought I was bullshitting her. The look on her face and the gasp of shock as she saw this was totally worth all the happy pills in the world.

I would like to stop and take a moment to proudly announce that I am so crazy that I am taking my Psychologist with me! Not sure if that counts as a squirrel alert or not…

Yes, my psychologist was blown away.

Okay, now go search for Jiffy peanut butter. It doesn’t exist. It never has. The ONLY thing I could find was in a cartoon. You can see it here. Does that look like Jiffy peanut butter to you? It is super close to me! But other than that one picture, I cannot find it. In fact, if you Google “Jiffy peanut butter” you get this…

Jiffy peanut butter Google Search

Don’t believe me? Try it for yourself.

What the fuck!?

In case you are checking to make sure you took your meds today, you can put the lid back on your bottle. It’s called the Mandela effect.

It was named that because MANY people vividly remember Nelson Mandela dying in the 70’s or 80’s while in prison. Do you remember that? Brace yourself… He died December 5, 2013. Here is the WIkipedia page.

If you think I am totally batshit crazy, you can check out The Mandela Effect’s Major Memories page and start scrolling. They have a list of them. I had to Google some of them because I was like, “No. It’s BarbAra Streisand! Not Barbra!” *types in Google* “Wait. Whaaaa….???” The comments have other ones so enjoy the read.

Have you experienced the Mandela effect? Let me know in the comments. I am curious to hear your experiences.

If you think we are all crazy, that’s cool (check the title of my blog), we still love ya!

50 Questions: A Deep Dark Secret

Share a secret you’ve never told anyone. Until now…

I was pondering this question for a while. I am an open and honest person. Sometimes to the point of it being a fault of mine. If you ask me a question, I will tell you the answer. It might not be the answer you were looking for, but I will tell you anyway. After all, you asked for it! So, I thought about all the secrets I could tell you guys.

Had a son who died because I took him off life support… nope, already told that.

All my medical conditions… talk about them all the time.

My children… talk about them all the time too.

My ex… talk about him some too.

There really isn’t anything very secretive about me at all. And then I had a conversation with someone (who wishes not to be named on my blog) about life, death, poverty, and self-image; and it hit me! I know what secrets I am going to share. I say secrets because they go hand in hand. Get the happy pills ready… here we go!

Death is not an end

This isn’t really a huge secret. Many people believe in an afterlife. But I do remember things that aren’t from this life. I remember them vividly. I have had out of body experiences and near death experiences. I can tell you that is what shaped my beliefs, partly. This is why I would never commit suicide. You can kill your body, but the soul continues on and you will be reborn into something or someone. Your energy is what makes you who you are. Not so much the body. The body is just a physical experience you claim before you are born.

Call me crazy all you want but, I warned you about that when I called my blog “Crazy Woman’s Journal“.

Let’s say you have a shitty life and you decide to off yourself. You will get to redo the life over again. Maybe not the exact same life, but one with similar problems. You can get a new life here in this time or in an alternate universe. It won’t matter if you kill yourself because you will get to redo it over and over until you live the life you are supposed to complete.

Analogy time! Your life is a series of books…

It would be like if your life were a series of books. You were reading through the books and decided in book 3 that you didn’t want to read them anymore and threw them in the trash. You went to the life library and picked a new set of books and started reading. But damn it! These books are following the same story line as the last series. You toss that set in the trash too and go back for another series to read.

This next series is JUST like the last two series. Same type of characters, same settings, and I swayer to you, the story is the same as the first two. Only this time you begrudgingly finish reading the series to learn something amazing, some life altering experience that you didn’t expect.

So, while the books sucked at first, and droned on in some areas, and one chapter just described a cat’s fur, the story line (as a whole) has a purpose.

That purpose sometimes sucks

While some lives are meant to change something or be amazing, other lives are a form of punishment. I call this idea “The Good, the bad, and the ugly”.

The Good

Some people get to have amazing lives with “demons” they still have to battle or overcome. They might create a mega-company that changes the world. They might become doctors who revolutionize cancer treatments. They might be some guy who discovers something great but it’s not recognized in this life. They might be an artist who touches many. There are so many great lives people can live.

The Bad

Then there are the shitty lives where you just seem to suffer, can never get ahead, or spend the rest of your life in jail or as a slave. These lives aren’t pointless though. They have meaning too. They serve a purpose. Sometimes they are for you to learn some lesson about hardship.

Like, how to live frugally… or how to survive in the mountains after a government overthrow… or how to live homeless… or how you can survive living in chronic pain even though it sucks ass… or to teach you to stand up for yourself when you have lived an oppressed life… or how to change your way of thinking and not be so closed-minded… or a chance to fight in a revolution and help make a change.

The Ugly

It can also be a punishment. It’s a life meant for paying a karmic debt, for lack of a better word.

Let’s say that you had a life where you decided to try making lamp shades out of your friend’s skin and stew out of there brains and vital organs. In that life, you got away with it and caused a lot of pain to many people, not just the one’s you killed off and consumed. Their families, their friends, the community, the state, the nation… everyone who was effected by your murderous, carnivorous, interior decorating spree adds to your karmic debt.

If, in that life, you were caught, went to jail, found remorse, and tried to better yourself; your karmic debt would be less. But that life, you managed to evade police, killed a puppy or ten for fun, set random fires that no one linked to you, and basically were just a psychopathic asshole. Your karmic debt would probably follow you through several lives of becoming Mother Teresa or Princess Di before you would be out of karmic debt.

Not all karmic debt if that extreme though. Sometimes you just suffer through a disease but end up beating it because your karmic debt is paid. Or you have a series of bad things happen but nothing that sends you to a padded room. It’s things that you survive and make it through… and then you help others get through the same thing and your karmic debt gets better each time.

Basically, it’s complicated.

Deep Dark Secret #2: My Karmic Debt

I sometimes jokingly say that whatever I did in my last life must have been horrible to deserve such a shit life like this. But honestly, I don’t think it was really that bad because I could have it much worse. 

I do honestly think that this life is here as part of a karmic debt and part as a lesson that I have not figured out yet. Whatever I did in a past life wasn’t heinous like the murderous example above but it hurt a lot of people nonetheless and now I am paying my debt.

I am assuming here… It probably has something to do with medical since I am living with so many medical problems and I have a hard time with doctors treating me horrible. It probably has something to do with affection since I have trouble bonding with people. Or maybe those are just random forms of punishment that were doled out it has nothing to do with that at all.

Anyway, I do believe that this life is a punishment (for lack of a better word) where I am paying my karmic debt. I have trouble seeing myself as anything good which, I think, is part of the debt. People tell me I am talented, amazing, and all sorts of amazing things but I just can’t see it. I wish that for one day, I could see myself through someone else’s eyes.

Here is a minor example. I drew this picture of my cat, Sweetie. People say it is amazing and I did a great job. I don’t see it. I don’t see why it is so good. I can see all my mistakes though.

CAM00075 (2)

I think the disconnection I feel is just a part of my karmic debt. I can connect just enough so that I am not completely isolated emotionally. But, if I bond with someone or get close to them, they are taken away in one form or another. I am supposed to be alone this life (this much I know). At some point I may bond with someone and they won’t disappear, and then I will know my karmic debt is paid. It may not happen in this life. If it doesn’t, then I know it will happen early in my next life and we will be very close.

Until then, I only have enough bonding to keep me from going insane. When I meet a person that I instantly feel like I could bond with, I find myself pushing them away. Not because I don’t want to have a bond with people but because I don’t want my friends to keep dying off at an amazing rate and in violent manners. I imagine that the person who pushes back and won’t go away… I imagine that is the person that will help me see my worth and finally have my debt paid.

So, if you are my friend and wonder why I tend to run away and not get close to you, this is why. It’s my punishment. And I am sorry for it but I don’t know how to change it, or make it better, or make my friends stop disappearing, or make them stop dying, or make them stay without clinging to them so much that they start to hate me. But mostly, I am sorry.

I don’t know what karmic debt I am repaying but I hurt someone really bad and now, I am paying for it with this life. There are no words that can convey my sorrow.

50 Questions: Top 5 Blogs I Visit

I chose this for my next topic: Top 5: Share a post with the top 5 blogs you just can’t get enough of. As a mini continued celebration of my six years on WordPress. I am not positive all of these are blogs but I visit them often. In no particular order…

SQUIRREL ALERT!

I just learned that I can change my font size for my list posts! That is so cool! Okay, back to the original post…

#1 Blog I Love to Visit: One Good Thing by Jillee

 One Good Thing by Jillee
Screenshot by Dotchi

One Good Thing by Jillee is a great blog. I think I found this one while searching for a recipe for a cleaning product because I mostly make my own or just use soap and water. I started browsing here site and fell in love. She has recipes, tips, and tricks for cleaning, laundry, health and beauty, gardening, green living, holidays, and more.

#2 Blog I Love to Visit: ProBlogger

Problogger

I found ProBlogger, Darren Rowse, years ago when I was trying to turn blogging into an real job. He has great tips and advice and there is new content daily. If you click here to visit ProBlogger, anything you buy will help me make a little extra money.

I have three of his books and I really love them. They were very helpful and I strongly recommend the book “31 Days to Building a Better Blog” if you are working on making blogging your career. I am more wanting to blog for fun and not so much as a career. That way, if I make a little money, WOOHOO! but I am not expecting it.

Before I bought anything, I visited his site for about a year. I found it very helpful and interesting to read; and I really loved the post “7 Days to Rediscovering Your Blogging Groove“.

#3 Blogs I Love to Visit: Digital Photography School

Also from Darren Rowse is the blog Digital Photography School. (I get nothing for you clicking that link). While eventually I will probably buy his books on the site, I haven’t bought any so I don’t feel right sharing them through an affiliate link on here yet. He is a great blogger and all the content on the site has kept me intrigued and coming back for more which is why I added it here.

This blog helped me with my photography skills a lot and I am hoping on day that photography and blogging will be more than just hobbies. I am gaining confidence in both with Darren’s help.

After all that, if you are cool with that and don’t mind helping me out a little if you do buy something, then click here to visit Digital Photography School through my affiliate link.

#4 Blogs I Love to Visit: Hillbilly Housewife

Hillbilly Housewife

I am a fan of this blog! I think it’s a blog. If not, oh well, I love this one anyway! Hillbilly Housewife is where I like to go for recipes. I found her YEARS ago when I lived in Tennessee. I moved from Tennessee in 2006. I think I was using this before I worked as a CNA which would be 2003. Really, this is my long-term place to visit on the web.

I successfully used their $40 a week emergency menu for a family of four to six people. When I used it, the groceries were $30 a week. In 2009, it was $70 a week. But the emergency menu is still a valuable resource.

I totally LOVE the Magic Milk Shake recipe! It tastes JUST like a Wendy’s Frosty and it’s super cheap to make. If you are allergic to milk, you can try it with a powdered milk alternative, like coconut or almond. Just make sure there isn’t any casein in it.

#5 Blogs I Love to Visit: A2Z Homeschool

A2Z Homeschooling

I started homeschooling my children in 2001 and A2Z Homeschool became my gold mine of resources, information, and support. I’ve been using this site wince 2001 and I am STILL finding new and interesting things to read on there. The best part is that they are religiously neutral. They share information on religious and secular homeschooling alike and share the information without bias.

Just for a sampling of what they offer… they have information on laws for each state, laws for other countries,  curriculum, homeschool programs, homeschooling for free, lessons and ideas, unschooling, and so much more!

Seriously, I want to meet Ann Zeise and hug her. This is the best resource ever.


Your turn! What are the top 5 blogs you love to visit?

The Pain was Worth it!

Yesterday I had my last speech therapy appointment in K-town. It was my last one and I am quite pleased with it. I learned that I remember better by association. When she gave me a list of words, if I could associate them with me I could remember them. Although yesterday I missed three, I am chalking that up to the heat and Benadryl. Last week I got 10 out of 10.

The other activities for remembering, I sucked at. One was just looking at the picture and trying to remember details. Then she would ask me about things in the picture. It went something like this:

JM: What was the picture about?

ME: A kitchen.

JM: Good.

ME: *Smiling all proud*

JM: What shelf were the canisters on?

ME: Oh, the top shelf! (Because my brother has similar shelves and it reminded me of his kitchen.)

JM: What was in the canisters on the shelf.

ME: *thinks* Coffee. I remember that one. Uh, I am not sure what the other ones were. I just really want some coffee LOL.

JM: *giggles* Flour and sugar. That’s okay. Next question, where was the clock?

ME: Wait. There was a clock? Seriously? Where?

JM: Yes, it was on the stove.

ME: Oooooh. *feeling dumb or unobservant*

JM: That’s okay a lot of people miss that one.

Oh sure… thanks for lying to make me feel better. LOL just kidding, they probably do. She showed me the picture afterwards so I could see the things I missed. I did okay on it. The next one was a bakery. I did meh on that one (because how often do I go to a bakery?) The pool picture I did pretty awesome but I grew up around pools and man did that bring back memories. After that, she switched to association because I do so much better with that. Last week I remembered 10 out of 10 words.

She said I am actually at the higher functioning stuff which made me feel better about myself. I did one sheet where if there was a box around the word, you read the color of the word. If there was no box then just read the word. Man, that was hard!

[redGreen <— These would both be “red”. They had green and blue also.

So, I may be forgetful, but now I have some tools for me to practice to help me remember stuff. Some stuff I remember with no problem. If they are number related, then I remember it easily. What time did Dr N add that diagnosis? 0532 on 24 March 2015. What did I have for lunch that day? I have no idea.

At least with this and the grouping exercise, I can work on remembering things and I don’t feel like a complete failure.

As a side note: yes, I realize that some of you will be able to figure out where these places are. I am not writing them out as K-town, L-town, etc to hide anything from you. I am just doing that because I like the sound of it. Also, I am writing a book where I am basing the layout of the camps on the real towns of Kalispell and Libby. (See, not trying to hide). Since I write here and in the book about the same times each day, it’s easier for me to write K-town instead of Kalispell or the name of the town for the book (which starts with K for now). I found myself writing Kalispell in the book and vice versa when I tried to write on here and in the book. Besides, K-town and L-town just sound nice to me.

And the pain was totally worth it!

So, yesterday, I did have a ride (THANK YOU, R*!) from L-town to K-town at 3:30 in the morning. Then I slept a little on and off. When I got up, I found out that the vehicle was unavailable for dropping off at the appointment. I had looked up the bus system down there the night before so I had a mini-backup plan. V* ended up dropping me off for my appointment (THANK YOU V*!) and I decided to use that time to hunt down that diagnosis on my medical record.

Went to my appointment, walked to the hospital’s medical records, walked over to the HIT department, and then back to medical records with HIT. I have to say, those two ladies were so nice! Everyone was so nice yesterday, but the HIT ladies were so super nice and helpful. Everyone should be like that! Back to the story, so I explained what I was looking for and they found it, had a print out (which I now have) that links the diagnosis to Dr N.

I found it interesting that we had such an issue finding it in my chart that we could only link it back to MB (from 04/06); but he put it in my chart from “old records”. How did he see it and we had to have someone spend an entire day searching for it because it wasn’t obviously in the chart? It almost feels like it was hidden in the chart (doubt that was purposely). Which begs the question… how did MB find it? Or did he actually talk to Dr N about it? Because I have to records he would have seen and it is NOT in there. I had two other people helping me search for it.

Anyway, now I have that. I went to the bus shelter and waited for the bus to Whitefish (sorry, no cute name for that one, it’s not in the book yet… YET). It was so hot outside I was feeling sick and itching like crazy. I had my sleeves on though and I stayed in shade when possible… so it’s not like I was in the sun on purpose. But ugh, I feeling miserable for a bit. I did take Benadryl, which made it really difficult to function but made my day better. Note to self: next time take your umbrella!

Train Station and Pictures

I sat at the Whitefish train station from 4:30 pm until the train got there. It was so neat listening to everyone talk about their travels. One couple has a rail pass and is hoping the trains and stopping every now and then for a day or two. I so want to do that! Another guy was going to see his girlfriend, who is pregnant. He was in K-town for a day. Another couple were going to visit Spokane for a fun weekend. There was a lady who was visiting her kids and was now leaving. Another guy works in one state but comes home every couple months. Then there was me. Had a doctor’s appointment. Needed a ride back home. I did walk to a health food store and grabbed some yogurt at one point.

The only thing I regret is that I forgot my camera! I snapped a few pictures on my phone though. They aren’t as great… but I will get to that later. Here are some pictures! Before you look at them, let me just say that I didn’t realize how bad my camera on my phone is until I actually took pictures with it. So sorry in advance.

Here is the train station outside area where we waited for the train.

mms_picture
Whitefish, Montana train station

Here is a BEAUTIFUL piano. I will have to get better pictures of it.

Elegant piano at Whitefish, Montana train station.
Elegant piano at Whitefish, Montana train station.

And this is the scales in the station. They don’t use these anymore, they are just there for museum awesomeness. Although, one lady did stand on them and let her boyfriend weigh her. She said she gained 20 pounds on this trip. LOL

Whitefish, Montana train station scale.
Whitefish, Montana train station scale.

Back to the train, It was running behind because of two medical emergencies and a drunken disorderly. We left about 11:23 and made it back to L-town at 1:16 in the morning. I was on the upper level (I asked for lower but it wasn’t on the ticket).

Between all the walking in K-town around the hospital, the bus ride, sleeping on a bench (the Benadryl kicked in), and riding a train… all while carrying my backpack… today my back is killing me! I probably won’t do much the rest of the day. I am resting so I don’t seriously hurt myself. That is where I got the post title from. It was a LONG day! It was tiring. The Benadryl kicked my ass. I am having horrible abdominal cramps and diarrhea from the heat (I know… TMI). I cried this morning from the pain… but I have marijuana! I can get through this!

And now… the worth it part…

Because of this nice reminder that I have a way to not be in agonizing pain, I realized I can do more than I could before. So, next week I have an appointment for a gastric emptying study on Wednesday. I am going to get a ride to the hospital, get the test done, throw up (because I will have to eat food), and then wait for the bus again. This time, I am going to Whitefish with umbrella and Benadryl, and I am taking my camera with me too and a folding chair too.

I am totally going to make a day out of taking pictures and chilling in the shade (assuming it isn’t too hot). If it gets too hot, I can always go wander through a store or museum. Then I can ride the train back to L-town again. Only this time I am bringing a rolling thingy to put my backpack on. That is too much for me to carry! Lesson learned. And I am bringing a folding chair because there were a few times I really needed to sit down but there wasn’t a good place to sit, or there wasn’t a place with a back rest … which I am sure didn’t help with the back pain.

And hopefully a folding chair will make it to where I don’t have to bring a rolling walker. I hate that thing and love it all at the same time. I haven’t needed to use it except when they had me stop marijuana for 10 days (and I lasted four). Before that, I stopped using it about two weeks into using marijuana. the swelling in my back had gone down and I could actually feel my legs better (which was good and bad LOL) and they stopped giving out on me. If I can avoid using it again, I totally will! I hated using it. It was embarrassing and I felt like less of a person.

Mentally, I feel so much better for being out yesterday and seeing people and getting to see places and I feel like I traveled (which I ABSOLUTELY miss the most!) If I had money, I would totally hop a train to somewhere and go explore and come back since I can’t drive anymore. But this makes getting out a lot more realistic and makes me feel less trapped. Trapped? No… stranded? no… there is a word. I can’t find it.

Update: HOMEBOUND! Thank you, Lakewolf! That is the word I was looking for!

One thing I will change though, I want a lower level seat! climbing stairs up is okay but slow. Going down them about kills my knees, especially after a day of walking around for any reason. I will still need a day (or two) to recover but this is so worth it. Just to get out and do something fun is what I needed.

I know this was long, but I feel so rejuvenated. I won’t be able to do this often but at least it is something to look forward to.

New Neighbors, Pain Relief, and Trying to Get Motivated.

I haven’t posted lately because my meds have me knocked out. But, with new meds comes relief from the ever grinding, relentless pain. Remember when I posted about giving my pain a number? Well, I can honestly say that this makes it easier to pick a number. I am not in agonizing pain all day and my mood is improving dramatically because of it. I able to load the whole dishwasher, do some laundry (a light load), fold clothes, clean the bathroom, tidy the house a little… you know, feel useful and like I am doing something. I didn’t complete everything all in one round but hey, anything is better than sitting and playing online all day!

Now that I am on the right meds (Gabapentin, 800 mg of ibuprofen, and Methocarbomal) I can totally tell the nerve pain from the muscle spasm pain and arthritis pain. VERY different. Continue reading