I’m Back! Did You Miss Me? I Did!

I have been slightly busy lately. I did get a job for a bit. I worked two weeks before I was fired. I can’t get anyone to hire me so I am considering the fact that, eventually, I may need to move. I dread this idea because Montana is perfect for me. I spent time thinking about it and deciding where to go but I am just not sure yet. 

I traveled to southern California to get away from the smoke of the wildfires raging in Montana. The trip was nice but made me realize how much I really love it in Montana. When I go back, I am going to double down on either making my own money or getting a job. I’m not really holding my breath on either though. In five years, I have not had any luck with either except for a spurt of income here or there.

I was thinking of starting YouTube back up but, I am working on the motivation… I figured, if I started blogging again, I would get motivated to do YouTube. Is it working? We’ll see.

The CV Axle, The Drive, and Why Does No One Listen To Me?

Ever since I started therapy years ago, my big complaint is that no one listens to me. I am not taken seriously. Let’s take this trip as an example.

No to CV – Part 1

Before we left, like a month or so before, my son took the car to a mechanic. He’s a good mechanic and I needed the CV axle changed out. We had the part and everything. He dropped the car off and left for So Cal. I got a call that it wasn’t the CV axle and it was the (forgot which part) instead. I asked if they could change the CV axle anyway and they insisted it didn’t need changed. It was fine. So they got the part, fixed it, even drove it to my apartment. But, they didn’t change the CV axle. Meh. Fine. Whatever.

I drive the car to a few out of town places and I can still hear the occasional sound of my car wanting the CV axle changed. It sounds… off. The wildfires start, the smoke rolls in, and we debate on leaving and heading south. The smoke was pretty thick. I mean, the state was on fire, it was bad.

Screenshot_20170907-063601.png
Screenshot of the map before we left… or the day we left… or something.

I have asthma but my youngest son has worse asthma than I do. I was starting to feel dizzy just walking through the apartment to use the bathroom. I forgot to screenshot the air quality map but it was pretty bad. It wasn’t the worst level, but it was really close.

We finally decided we did need to leave because we had the doors and windows shut and it was still hard to breathe. Plus, with the doors and windows shut, it was hot as hell in my apartment. So, we finally packed up and left.  I snapped this picture at one of our stops.

Smoke at a rest area
Smoke masks the mountains at a Montana rest stop.

There was so much smoke filtering the sun that I could walk around with no sleeves on and we could stare directly at the sun without solar viewing glasses. Each stop was a quick, “Get out, go pee, get back in, and let’s go.”

Starting to worry

I was starting to worry about the car around Missoula. I could really hear the metal on metal sound. I didn’t say anything to my ex or my older son in Cali because I didn’t want to worry them.

We slept at a rest area near Billings where the sky was clear. It was so nice to breathe again without feeling like I was snorkeling through Jell-O. We were still coughing up crap (and we still are to this day) but it was easier to breathe, we could stop for longer rest breaks, and Jack-Jack was able to run around a bit at the stops. 

We made it to Buffalo, Wyoming for a gas stop. When we were pulling into the gas station, I heard a sound that I am not sure what the hell it was but it wasn’t good. I pumped gas and then tried to drive off. It was horrible. The car was shaking when I tried to move. The only blessing is that we broke down right in front of a mechanic shop. 

No to CV – Part 2

I went over and they said it was the power steering pump, ordered the part, and let us hang out in their parking lot (because, like, where were we going to go?). One of the ladies came to the car and offered to buy us a hotel room for the night and watch our cat. I was really happy about that but we were fine car camping. They were great! I mean, they really went above and beyond… except they wouldn’t change out the CV axle.

At that point, I was just happy they changed out the power steering pump and still happy that they worked to get us in the day the part came in (usually it takes a week to get your car worked on. They were booked.) The next morning, they got the power steering pump changed out, and we got on our way.

We can still make it!

And that is when I really started to worry about the car. I was consistently hearing a clicking sound (for lack of a better description) and feeling the grinding every time I turned. I started having issues with it vibrating when I hit 65 mph so I started driving anything below that. 

We made it out of Wyoming and into Utah. I HAD to drive highway speed through Salt Lake City area (it was a little south of it, I think) because I didn’t feel like being run over. We made it out of the heavy traffic and by then, I was a nervous wreck. The car felt like shit, it was vibrating so bad I half expected to watch a tire run off from my car, and the grinding was worse.

I still didn’t say anything because I thought we’d be able to make it to the Lancaster area without having someone come rescue us. (I was wrong)

I can’t drive 55! No really. I can’t.

So, after Salt Lake City, I found a private/public rest area to take a nap in because my adrenaline rush wore off. They have nice rest areas! It’s at a Chevron station that has a HUGE parking lot. We parked in the back and I slept for a bit. Then we headed off to the next rest area once it was cooler outside. 

The ride there was slow. I could do about 55 mph without it shaking to pieces while I drove. So, to everyone in Utah driving on I-15 southbound… I am so sorry. I know I held up traffic and I apologize profusely… and thank you for not running me off the road.

After rest area #2 in Utah, we headed on with our trip and I knew I was going to have a hard time. I could only go 50 mph without it shaking to death.

We made it to the Moapa exit in Nevada. I slept for a bit because it’s really draining to drive a car that you aren’t sure is going to fall apart while you are driving it down the interstate. I was seriously worried I was going to end up killing someone when the car fell apart.

Then we headed out again. I was dreading driving through Las Vegas but we made it through. I drove at about 65 mph with the car shaking horribly the whole way. I white knuckled the steering wheel. I won’t lie… I was terrified. My chest hurt from the stress.

Once out of Las Vegas, I slowed back down to 50 mph. Then we hit the mountains coming into California.

You shall not pass!

Driving up the mountain pass this time was like trying to bike uphill. I was happy when I hit 35 mph. We made it almost up the mountain when the car overheated and I had to take an exit to let it cool down. We sat there for about an hour… maybe. And then headed to the rest area the was not too far from there. It had overheated by the time we got there.

By then, it was getting hot, we were miserable, and the car sounded like it chewing metal while we drove. We couldn’t go very fast at all. I was updating the guys in So Cal to how bad it really was at this point. I figured it was close enough for a rescue if I needed it.

Eff this! Come get me!

Back on the road, we made it to Barstow where we stopped in a park and parked under a tree for shade. I needed Benadryl from the extreme heat and I was starting to get a headache. I took my medicine and sent messages of how we were staying right there until it cooled down.

After chatting through text about how bad the car was doing, my older son decided to come get me with his friend… and I was totally cool with this idea because I didn’t feel like getting stranded in the desert with no cell signal!  I also mentioned that, oh yea, by the way, no one will change out the CV axle. He wasn’t happy.

They stopped to get some parts to help fix the car and then headed there. I slept for a bit enjoying the shade while we waited. 

And my car is toast

When they showed up, first thing they did was check the fluids. I had already checked all the fluids (except the transmission fluid) and they were good. When they checked, the coolant was low. WHAT?! I was so mad.

Then, I was like, “Hey, let me drive this so you can hear the grind.” Only when I drove it… no noise. I was so pissed at my car I could have spit fire. After a little bit of inspecting, they decided to test drive it. They didn’t make it out of the parking lot before stopping and saying, “Oh hell no! This is getting fixed here!”

We found a parking lot that was flat so they could fix it. They started taking it apart and saw how bad it was and decided to call for a tow. Only, the AAA that we have, only covers seven miles for towing. You gotta be fucking kidding me. Who the hell needs a seven mile tow??? It was going to cost $780 something to tow it back to my ex’s place.

So we debate amongst ourselves on what to do. The meds were all fine by then and my headache was gone, so I said I could just drive the car while they followed. I mean, I drove it this far, right! Right? Hehe.

It’s like slowly driving the car into the ground

We started driving and Oh. My. GAWD. We could safely do about 40 mph… if you want to call it safe. The car was shaking to death. We would pull over to let people pass then pull back onto the highway. And then I hit a railroad track… I could feel the wheel shaking and it sounded like the car was coming apart at the seems. 

My older son had to take over after that. We were safely doing 25 to 35 mph the rest of the way back to his place. The front driver side tire looked slanted and you could see the shaking from the follow car at times.

My car is now parked in a garage awaiting repair. And guess what needs to be replaced…

The CV Axle! It’s the CV axle! It needs changed. Who’d of thunk it!? It was like a huge mystery that no one would have guessed! 

I am not mad at the second mechanic. They fixed the main problem of the moment and went out of their way to get us in ASAP to fix it. I thank them.

But the first mechanic… why didn’t you just change it out? We had the part! I was willing to pay for it.

I am over being pissed off but THIS is what I keep saying. No one will listen to me. It’s like I am yelling into a void. Is it because I am a woman? Cuz I will totally have a sex change if it means someone will finally fucking listen to me! 

Why won’t people listen to me? I want to know. 

Anyway, we are here now. I am making pizza today. I will be working on a YouTube video for my gluten-free flour recipe. We’ll be here for a least a couple of weeks. I’ll keep you updated. we’ll probably be here a couple of weeks. I miss home but this is okay for now because at least my CV axle will be changed out (and everything else we ruined by driving with a bad CV axle)

Someone Misses People

image

The big secret from a couple weeks ago, in case I forgot to post it, is that the kids all went to California for the summer. That means it is me and three cats.

Garfield had a bad day one day. He is used to people being in and out, getting smothered with loves, and having people feet to chase down the hallway.

With not a lot of people around, the other day he crawled up on me and snuggled for a good hour while kneading my belly. He got tons of love… and T-u-n-a. Don’t you dare say it out loud unless you are going to feed that cats!

He’s doing much better today.

Blast from the Past! 2012 Photos!

2012 was a year of change for me. I can to terms with the fact that I may never work outside my home again… sort of. I was warned by different doctors that it might happen. I found this (I cropped out all the personal stuff) in my folder. Just a painful reminder of reality.

IMG_3215

But not all pictures are sad moments. Here are my favorite pictures from the 2012 folder. I know I have more somewhere but this is from the folders I am cleaning out. Continue reading

Blast from the Past! 2007

I decided to share pictures this week as my youngest son is leaving and I want to spend some time with him and then, once he is off to his dad’s, I will spend a little time organizing.

Here are some pictures I found from 2007!

funnyfaces2.JPG
This is when we lived in an RV and on a boat.

People of 2007!

Places of 2007!

Random Photos of 2007!

50 Questions: Rumors – What You Think About Me Vs The Real Me

Who do people think you are, compared to who you really are?

I am not even sure where to start with this one. I live in a small town and I hear a lot of the rumors about me. I could write a list a mile long. Some of my “family” won’t talk to me because of their incorrect ideas about me. It hurts to hear sometimes. But, most of the time I just sit back, shake my head, and laugh it off.

I think of myself more like this…

OMG! A REAL Picture of ME!

I am starting to think other people think of me like this

Crazy Bitch

But really… this is me right here…

I got this pic at http://merrymusing.wordpress.com/2011/10/21/tired-from-work/
I found this pic here 

Here are some of the “best” rumors I have heard so far.

Rumor #1: I am a drug addict

My whole life, the only illegal drug I did was Marijuana. That’s right! I haven’t done anything else. I was always very careful about my use of Marijuana also. I used it for the first time on my 26th birthday. I had a migraine, no migraine medicine, and I was at a joint birthday party for me and J. I didn’t want to leave and no one could drive me home. T offered a joint as a birthday toke-n. I took it. My migraines didn’t come back for three months. For three months, I didn’t smoke again.

Yes, I use it as medicine. No, I don’t abuse it. Even today, with a medical marijuana card, I use it as a medicine. Why? Because I don’t like being high. That’s why I make tincture (to downgrade the THC to CBN) and take CBD oil (with like .94% THC). I like being in control of my actions.

So for all of you who say I am a pill popper, drug snorter, inject-ee (what do you call those?), or someone who is high all the time… get a hobby.

Rumor #2: I am an alcoholic

Yes, I am. Sort of. I am a recovered alcoholic.

I only drink with reckless abandon once a year, December 31 into January 1. Although I am rethinking that tradition. I am rethinking that tradition. If I do drink during the year, it is one cup of wine or one cup of candy cane (a delicious alcoholic drink) or something like that. I drink ONE drink. I haven’t had a drink since… I don’t know… it’s been months. I had a cup of wine.

While I don’t do AA or anything like that, I do control my drinking very strictly. I am not one who believes in the abstinence theory. While it may work for some, it is not for me. I go with a limited allowance. I don’t think a 12-step program would be good for me at all. I looked into it at one point but I am not okay with the idea of saying I am “powerless” to something. I am not powerless to alcohol. I very much control my behavior.

It’s the same for when I finally quit smoking. I had to break the addiction. Like I said before, I like being in control of my actions. I am weird like that. But I can also have one cup of wine and be happy with that for a while.

I substituted my drinking with… A HOBBY!

Rumor #3: I am a Lesbian

GEDSC DIGITAL CAMERA
Gay Pride! Go LGBTQIA!

First… a bit of a rant… Why does my sexual orientation matter to anyone? Who cares? It’s like you guys sit around picking out the gays, the lesbians, the – anyone who isn’t straight. Who cares? You say it like it’s a bad thing. What if I am a lesbian? Would it matter to you? Would it change me as a person? Would it make you like me less? If it does, I don’t need you as a friend.

The answer: I am a bi-romantic, bisexual – but leaning toward asexual 90% of the time. Go ahead. Think about that for a while. Since you have nothing better to do. Here is a wonderful idea for a hobby! Research sexuality and how it doesn’t matter to anyone else who you love and who you screw.

Rumor #4: I kidnapped my children when I moved to Montana

This one really hurts. It hurts more knowing that people out there believe this but didn’t bother asking me for my side of the story and instead went and spread it some more.

For those of you who didn’t spread this crap around, thank you for asking me so I could tell you my side of the story.

For the real story, I moved up here with my kids with my husband’s blessings. I knew I couldn’t leave California and move with them without it. I am not as stupid as people think I am. When I moved here, he knew – and agreed to it.

For those of you that spread this, fuck you. Get a hobby!

Rumor #5: I left my husband during a mid-life crisis

I swear… This one annoys me more than anything. After all I put up with and how I patiently waited for him to pull himself together. I don’t plan on roasting him on this blog though. We both had issues. But it wasn’t a “mid-life crisis” by any stretch of the imagination. We were not compatible as partners and I couldn’t stay anymore.

I realized that it was unhealthy to stay in the relationship and I didn’t want to raise my children in that toxic environment anymore. That toxic environment was not ONLY my fault and it was not ONLY his fault. It was OUR fault as neither of us really wanted to work on the real issues. WE were BOTH responsible for our marriage ending. No relationship is wholly one-sided.

We are now friends and co-parents and we work better this way. I realize now that we can never live together. We are not compatible house mates even though we are good friends. If you don’t understand this thinking, try to find that one friend that you love as a friend but would have serious issues if you had to move into their house with them. It is possible to be friends and not want to live with the person or have a sexual relationship with them. I know it may seem foreign to some of you.

If this causes you massive issues and you just can’t wrap your mind around it, GET A HOBBY!

Rumor #6: I am rich and don’t have to work

Oh how I WISH! That would be freaking AWESOME! I’ll let you know when the books come out so you can help me reach that goal. Thanks in advance for your support.

In the meantime, get a hobby!

Rumor #7: I am faking my epilepsy/ fibromyalgia and really don’t have them.

I heard this one over and over and over. Here is a screenshot from a doctor’s visit.

11 04 2015

And now you know more about me than before. Of course, if someone wanted to know if I really have these problems, they could come over for a cup of coffee and I’ll show you all the medical files I have here. I would post the allergy list but it’s pretty long. Wanna see it? Come over for coffee. Email me and ask. Call and ask. Send a text and ask.

It’s really not that hard. Just ask. Why I would make up a medical problem is beyond me. I have enough to choose from already. Why people spread this crap around is beyond me. Get a hobby!

Rumor #8: I am a Pagan who used to live on a commune

Oh that sounds like a ton of fun! But no, I didn’t live on the commune. I VISITED the commune for holy days and celebrations. It was my way of being around people who shared my beliefs… or at least didn’t care what my beliefs are.

I am a Scientific Pantheist and a Pastafarian, if you are curious. I think the two mingle nicely. Of course, someone could just ask me. I love sharing my beliefs over a pizza or a pasta bowl.

This one just amuses me but it would be nice if people would ask instead of spreading it around.

Rumor #9: My husband and I agreed to send the kids to public school in Montana

Partly true! Wow. That one is almost legit. But not quite. We agreed together, and he made an agreement with the kids, that we would continue homeschooling through the holidays so it would be easier for us to travel back to California to spend the holidays with their dad. When school started back after the holiday break, we would go have them enrolled in the public school here. That was the original agreement.

Why this didn’t happen is still a bit of a confusion to me. He backed out of the deal after we were up here and I felt it wasn’t worth a fight. So they started public school right away. It doesn’t really matter why it didn’t happen. I am not angry about it. I was a bit hurt about it when it happened, actually, I was really hurt. But it happened. The past is now the past and we moved on. And got hobbies!

Rumor #10: I started homeschooling my kids without my husband’s consent.

Do you people have nothing better to do? I am going to make a list of hobby ideas for all of you and post it by this weekend!

This one usually refers to Montana. But I will start at the beginning.

I asked about homeschooling in the beginning and we eventually agreed to homeschool. It was not done unilaterally then. We BOTH agreed. Although we did have a lot of discussions about it beforehand.

In Montana, HE is the one that wanted me to start homeschooling again. At first I said no because I didn’t want to be blamed for anything going wrong. But, we discussed it again and eventually agreed to start homeschooling again.

I did not make that decision by myself either time.

Rumor #11: I am a paraplegic

What the… seriously? I injured my lower back. I didn’t sever my spine. I have a protruding disc, not a broken back. Yes, I have a days where my legs are weak and I hurt like hell and it’s hard to walk… but I am not a paraplegic and if you hear that, tell the moron to GET A HOBBY!

What to do if you hear something about me.

Ask me. Wow, that was hard.

Now I am off to make a list of hobbies for petty people who have nothing better to do than spread rumors about people!

Evacuating

Because the fire is getting closer and the area is getting smokier, the entire county is on Ready in the Ready-Set-Go series.

Ready means to get ready. It’s basically planning ahead. Have your evacuation route ready and all that good stuff.

Set is the pre-evacuation. That is where you pack all your stuff and get ready to actually leave.

And of course, GO, is actually getting the hell out of there. You know, evacuating.

Like I said, the entire county is on Ready. Parts of the areas to the south of us are on Set and the west side of the highway going south has evacuated completely.

So… because of that and the smoke getting to us, we are taking initiative and evacuating. We’ll head to my ex’s place a few states away and hopefully we won’t take too long getting there.

You can follow me on my facebook page (See Stalker’s Guide for the link). I will be posting updates on there occasionally as I get WiFi. I’ll be back to blogging soon… just in a different part of the country. Hopefully one that isn’t smothered by smoke.

See you then!