I am using this rambling post for question #31 of my 50 Questions. Because I do this a lot to figure out what I want to write about… so now, you get to see the brainstorming process. I just realized… this whole post is one gigantic squirrel alert. I’ll just put that here…
A quick welcome to new readers. I saw my page views jumped up by a lot. That usually means new readers. So Hello! And Welcome to my asylum. Feel free to leave a comment. I don’t think you have to be signed in to leave a comment. I’ll double-check the settings later today.
The last couple days have been hot here. We hooked up the air conditioners after I swelled some. And I have been on a falafel kick lately. Those are delicious! I think I ate those for the last three days. At least I am getting 800 calories a day! Celebrating the small things.
I even learned how to make my own garbanzo bean flour. It’s really easy. Dry chick peas into the blender. Run on “blend” for about… well, until it looks like flour. Then run through a bread sifter. One cup of dry chick peas makes about one and one half cups of flour.
I was thinking about the heat this last week because I know it is coming. It’s summer time (almost). First day of summer is June 20th. The only reason I look forward to that day is because the days will start to get shorter. I never understood how people could like, and look forward to, summer.
I am debating on how much Benadryl I want to live on this summer. The boys are going to visit their dad soon and I will have the whole house to myself! I am totally running around naked.
But I also don’t want to hermit myself away the entire summer. I can go outside in the evening. The weirdest thing about living in Montana is the really long summer days. I really look forward to winter because it’s dark around 4 pm. In the summer, it gets dark at around 10 pm or a little later. So much sunshine! And I get to be a hermit through it all.
I am going to make a sun cover for myself with some material I have. It’s 1970’s green and pattern. So that will be fun! Now I just need to find bell bottoms LOL. AND, I found my Mexican shoes so I am happy!
For the two people who asked how I do the word cloud pictures: I make them at this website and then save them to my desktop. Here is the word cloud for this post.
I am of to make more falafel. Some of these random thoughts will be turned into post eventually.
Anyone who knows me in person, knows I am far from a fashionable person. My personal style is known as lazy, teenager, and pajamas. Those are the three I heard this week. I’m not hating the descriptions either because they are all pretty much true. Well, except lazy. I would go with “relaxed” over lazy.
Trying to think of anything to go withQuestion #29on the list was a challenge! Then I remembered I have a lot of shoes. Not that I wear them all. In fact, I should get rid of some of them. BUT, I do have favorites I tend to stick with when I am going out. SO with that in mind, here is my list:
My Top 5 Favorite Shoes!
Just a quick note: I am counting “shoes” as any item I wear on my feet that I would wear out into public. That is pretty vague but I am not counting socks, slippers that are like socks, or socks that have sticky dots on the soles of the feet. This made it a touch more challenging but a little more fun.
Shoes #1: My Aussie Dog Boots
I bought these a couple of years ago during winter when my feet were freezing and I couldn’t take walking around a Montana winter in slippers anymore. They were on sale for $75 which makes them the most expensive pair of shoes I own. At that point in my life, I just wanted warm feet! And these are WARM!
Shoes #2: My Airwalks
I hate pink. BUT, I actually like these shoes. I have had them for YEARS. They are comfy as hell too.
Shoes #3: Flip Flops. All of them.
Do I really only get to pick one? Okay. I will stick to one pair. If I had to pick just one pair, it would be the red Earth Spirit flip-flops.
Shoes #4: My Hiking Shoes/ Low Boots
I almost forgot to photograph these. I din’t have someone to help… so here is one of them while on my foot. I’ll try to get a better picture up here eventually.
I am not sure if these are considered boots or shoes. But I love them! They are kind of heavy though so I don’t wear them often. Best thing about them? They make my size 11 feet look small.
Shoes #5: My Sparkly Pretty Flip Flops
I love flip-flops. They are my favorite shoe, period. These flip-flops are on my list because they are cute and because I saved up for them. They were $50 but very worth it. The quality is high, they fit perfect, and they are platform so I am a little taller. The gems are falling off slowly but that’s okay. They are still cute.
They don’t fit perfect anymore because someone put them on and they stretched out. If I save up for another pair, I will be a lot more assertive about not putting my shoes on!
What is your favorite shoe? Please someone tell me you have a lot of shoes!
Who do people think you are, compared to who you really are?
I am not even sure where to start with this one. I live in a small town and I hear a lot of the rumors about me. I could write a list a mile long. Some of my “family” won’t talk to me because of their incorrect ideas about me. It hurts to hear sometimes. But, most of the time I just sit back, shake my head, and laugh it off.
I think of myself more like this…
I am starting to think other people think of me like this
But really… this is me right here…
Here are some of the “best” rumors I have heard so far.
Rumor #1: I am a drug addict
My whole life, the only illegal drug I did was Marijuana. That’s right! I haven’t done anything else. I was always very careful about my use of Marijuana also. I used it for the first time on my 26th birthday. I had a migraine, no migraine medicine, and I was at a joint birthday party for me and J. I didn’t want to leave and no one could drive me home. T offered a joint as a birthday toke-n. I took it. My migraines didn’t come back for three months. For three months, I didn’t smoke again.
Yes, I use it as medicine. No, I don’t abuse it. Even today, with a medical marijuana card, I use it as a medicine. Why? Because I don’t like being high. That’s why I make tincture (to downgrade the THC to CBN) and take CBD oil (with like .94% THC). I like being in control of my actions.
So for all of you who say I am a pill popper, drug snorter, inject-ee (what do you call those?), or someone who is high all the time… get a hobby.
Rumor #2: I am an alcoholic
Yes, I am. Sort of. I am a recovered alcoholic.
I only drink with reckless abandon once a year, December 31 into January 1. Although I am rethinking that tradition. I am rethinking that tradition. If I do drink during the year, it is one cup of wine or one cup of candy cane (a delicious alcoholic drink) or something like that. I drink ONE drink. I haven’t had a drink since… I don’t know… it’s been months. I had a cup of wine.
While I don’t do AAor anything like that, I do control my drinking very strictly. I am not one who believes in the abstinence theory. While it may work for some, it is not for me. I go with a limited allowance. I don’t think a 12-step program would be good for me at all. I looked into it at one point but I am not okay with the idea of saying I am “powerless” to something. I am not powerless to alcohol. I very much control my behavior.
It’s the same for when I finally quit smoking. I had to break the addiction. Like I said before, I like being in control of my actions. I am weird like that. But I can also have one cup of wine and be happy with that for a while.
I substituted my drinking with… A HOBBY!
Rumor #3: I am a Lesbian
First… a bit of a rant… Why does my sexual orientation matter to anyone? Who cares? It’s like you guys sit around picking out the gays, the lesbians, the – anyone who isn’t straight. Who cares? You say it like it’s a bad thing. What if I am a lesbian? Would it matter to you? Would it change me as a person? Would it make you like me less? If it does, I don’t need you as a friend.
The answer: I am a bi-romantic, bisexual – but leaning toward asexual 90% of the time. Go ahead. Think about that for a while. Since you have nothing better to do. Here is a wonderful idea for a hobby! Research sexuality and how it doesn’t matter to anyone else who you love and who you screw.
Rumor #4: I kidnapped my children when I moved to Montana
This one really hurts. It hurts more knowing that people out there believe this but didn’t bother asking me for my side of the story and instead went and spread it some more.
For those of you who didn’t spread this crap around, thank you for asking me so I could tell you my side of the story.
For the real story, I moved up here with my kids with my husband’s blessings. I knew I couldn’t leave California and move with them without it. I am not as stupid as people think I am. When I moved here, he knew – and agreed to it.
For those of you that spread this, fuck you. Get a hobby!
Rumor #5: I left my husband during a mid-life crisis
I swear… This one annoys me more than anything. After all I put up with and how I patiently waited for him to pull himself together. I don’t plan on roasting him on this blog though. We both had issues. But it wasn’t a “mid-life crisis” by any stretch of the imagination. We were not compatible as partners and I couldn’t stay anymore.
I realized that it was unhealthy to stay in the relationship and I didn’t want to raise my children in that toxic environment anymore. That toxic environment was not ONLY my fault and it was not ONLY his fault. It was OUR fault as neither of us really wanted to work on the real issues. WE were BOTH responsible for our marriage ending. No relationship is wholly one-sided.
We are now friends and co-parents and we work better this way. I realize now that we can never live together. We are not compatible house mates even though we are good friends. If you don’t understand this thinking, try to find that one friend that you love as a friend but would have serious issues if you had to move into their house with them. It is possible to be friends and not want to live with the person or have a sexual relationship with them. I know it may seem foreign to some of you.
If this causes you massive issues and you just can’t wrap your mind around it, GET A HOBBY!
Rumor #6: I am rich and don’t have to work
Oh how I WISH! That would be freaking AWESOME! I’ll let you know when the books come out so you can help me reach that goal. Thanks in advance for your support.
In the meantime, get a hobby!
Rumor #7: I am faking my epilepsy/ fibromyalgia and really don’t have them.
I heard this one over and over and over. Here is a screenshot from a doctor’s visit.
And now you know more about me than before. Of course, if someone wanted to know if I really have these problems, they could come over for a cup of coffee and I’ll show you all the medical files I have here. I would post the allergy list but it’s pretty long. Wanna see it? Come over for coffee. Email me and ask. Call and ask. Send a text and ask.
It’s really not that hard. Just ask. Why I would make up a medical problem is beyond me. I have enough to choose from already. Why people spread this crap around is beyond me. Get a hobby!
Rumor #8: I am a Pagan who used to live on a commune
Oh that sounds like a ton of fun! But no, I didn’t live on the commune. I VISITED the commune for holy days and celebrations. It was my way of being around people who shared my beliefs… or at least didn’t care what my beliefs are.
I am a Scientific Pantheist and a Pastafarian, if you are curious. I think the two mingle nicely. Of course, someone could just ask me. I love sharing my beliefs over a pizza or a pasta bowl.
This one just amuses me but it would be nice if people would ask instead of spreading it around.
Rumor #9: My husband and I agreed to send the kids to public school in Montana
Partly true! Wow. That one is almost legit. But not quite. We agreed together, and he made an agreement with the kids, that we would continue homeschooling through the holidays so it would be easier for us to travel back to California to spend the holidays with their dad. When school started back after the holiday break, we would go have them enrolled in the public school here. That was the original agreement.
Why this didn’t happen is still a bit of a confusion to me. He backed out of the deal after we were up here and I felt it wasn’t worth a fight. So they started public school right away. It doesn’t really matter why it didn’t happen. I am not angry about it. I was a bit hurt about it when it happened, actually, I was really hurt. But it happened. The past is now the past and we moved on. And got hobbies!
Rumor #10: I started homeschooling my kids without my husband’s consent.
Do you people have nothing better to do? I am going to make a list of hobby ideas for all of you and post it by this weekend!
This one usually refers to Montana. But I will start at the beginning.
I asked about homeschooling in the beginning and we eventually agreed to homeschool. It was not done unilaterally then. We BOTH agreed. Although we did have a lot of discussions about it beforehand.
In Montana, HE is the one that wanted me to start homeschooling again. At first I said no because I didn’t want to be blamed for anything going wrong. But, we discussed it again and eventually agreed to start homeschooling again.
I did not make that decision by myself either time.
Rumor #11: I am a paraplegic
What the… seriously? I injured my lower back. I didn’t sever my spine. I have a protruding disc, not a broken back. Yes, I have a days where my legs are weak and I hurt like hell and it’s hard to walk… but I am not a paraplegic and if you hear that, tell the moron to GET A HOBBY!
What to do if you hear something about me.
Ask me. Wow, that was hard.
Now I am off to make a list of hobbies for petty people who have nothing better to do than spread rumors about people!
Having never wrote an obituary before, I had to do some research to figure out what to put in it. I tried to have a little fun with it too since I am not that serious of a person. Since everyone posts their favorite picture of the person, I added mine too. One of my fears is that I will post this and then die the next day. LOL
Okay, here it is… my obituary.
Dotchi Anni Latham, 69, of Libby, MT left this crazy realm last Saturday after she was shanked for sarcasm. Her wit and sarcasm, was a gift she was known for among her family, friends, and quite a few enemies.
She was born in San Diego, California and raised everywhere else on Navy bases. She married a Navy man in 1994 and promptly moved to the backwoods of Tennessee where they stayed for ten years. In 2006 the family moved to San Diego where they lived on a boat named Epiphany which she named by accident during a drunken epiphany. Not long after that, she and her sons moved to Montana.
During her free time she enjoyed sleeping, making food, crochet, reading, blogging… yea, that’s about it. Her hobbies dwindled after a back injury in 2012. She turned to Minecraft to create worlds and entertain herself. She also became a staunch advocate for use of the Oxford comma, never using the word fishes, and banning the word “Ginormous” from the English language.
She is preceded in death by her son Brandon (1991). She leaves behind two sons, Miles and Mendel 2.0, three moms, three dads (it’s a long story. Ask at the memorial service) and too many brothers, sisters, cousins, etc to list here. If we did, we would have to buy the entire page in the newspaper.
Services will be held at the top of Whiskey Hill where part of her ashes will dumped into the blowing wind while family members yell, “THAR SHE BLOWS! She’s GONE WITH THE WIND!” (that is really in my will). The rest of her ashes will be used to plant a tree and it will be her memorial tree instead of the usual headstone.
Flowers can be sent to the nursing home or hospital where they will be appreciated by the elderly and infirm, by her request. In lieu of donations, please do not vote for Trump.
Who would you invite to your celebrity dinner party?
OH! This one is easy! Hands down, I would invite Ellen Degeneres. And we would probably eat this wonderful dish on her site, gluten-free spaghetti and lentil meatballs. Why? Because she is awesome! If I ever become famous, I want to be as caring, generous, and awesome as she is. I mean, that’s not why we’re eating the dish. That’s why I am inviting her. She is my inspiration.
I guess I should invite other celebrities to my dinner party too. How many do you invite to a dinner party anyway? Let me look that up… Well, crap. You decide how many people to invite.
Okay, so I am counting the chairs in my living room (where we eat) and we have ten sitting places. Four seats are for me, my two sons (they would kill me if I didn’t invite them), and my son’s girlfriend. Ellen is already coming over which means we can invite five celebrities without having to borrow chairs or have people sit on the floor.
My five other celebrities for my dinner party
Pitbull, the rapper. I would invite him just because I like his music, he is rather sexy, and I actually ran into him in public before. I doubt he would remember me but, it was pretty awesome and he was really nice. That kind of stuff sticks with me.
John Travolta because he is one of my favorite actors. I feel like he is a lot like me, funny, fun-loving, and has a good heart. I also grieved when I learned his son had died. I don’t know why, I just feel drawn to him. Not in a sexual way. Just a “I think we could be friends” way.
Constance Shulman because… well, this has no logical reasoning. But She grew up in Tennessee which is where I lived for a decade. She did the voice of Patty Mayonnaise for the cartoon Doug, one of my favorite cartoons. I also know a lady that ran into while she was grocery shopping and she said she was really nice. I also like her in Orange is the New Black. So she is invited.
Johnny Depp because he is so cool. I loved him in 21 Jump Street (the TV show) and everything I have seen with him in it. The first movie I saw with him in it was Cry-Baby. I love slapstick comedy (sometimes). Also, someone in my family did a genealogy research and found out he is our tenth cousin. Pretty cool!
Oprah Winfrey because WHY NOT! It’s Oprah! I had dreams of meeting her too. Her and Ellen are my top two favorite inspirational people of all time.
Dolly Pardon because I was named after her (according to one parent). And I get compared to her a lot. And I like her music. And there is a theme park in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee with her name (and mine) called Dollywood. One day I will visit this place. She seems like a sweetheart.
Okay, that was seven people. It’s okay though, I will borrow a chair or something.
Now to start planning the rest of the menu… We’ll be playing Ellen Degeneres games for entertainment. I can dream big!
There are things in day-to-day life that really annoy me. Here are my top ten in no specific order.
10 Things that annoy me #1: Leaving the door open
When people come over, I usually yell, “Come in!” because it’s less painful than walking over to the door. When I do this, I expect you to walk in and immediately shut the door. Most people I know will open the door full swing, walk in, and leave it hanging wide open for all the cats to escape. I am not chasing them. (You let them out. You bring them back.)
It’s not just when they are coming in either. I have had people who are leaving the apartment who stand there with the door hanging wide open while they say their last good-bye and tell me what they forget to tell me and say they loved the coffee. Do that shit BEFORE you open the door, THEN open the door, get the fuck out of my apartment, and close it as soon as your two feet are out in the hallway and your body is no longer obstructing the door.
Why do people do this? Seriously! WHY!? I don’t want the hallway heat in here. Shut the fucking door!
10 Things that annoy me #2: Sitting in my chair
If you come into my home, know that there are a few rules. No smoking inside. No vaporizing inside. No peanuts, turkey, corn, or perfume allowed. And don’t sit in my chair!
I paid good money for a chair that works for my medical needs. It reclines, it has a heating pad, it has a massage feature, and it can stand me up when I can’t stand up by myself. I bought the chair specifically for me, not for my guests. I have a couch, two folding moon chairs, four dining room chairs, and two folding chairs that you can sit in. Pick one. But stay out of my chair!
If you don’t know this rule and you come over to visit and sit in my chair, when I say “get out of my chair” don’t argue with me. It’s my house! If I say get out of my chair, then GET OUT OF MY CHAIR! Don’t tell me no. I will kick you out in a heartbeat!
10 Things that annoy me #3: Wiping your hands on my furniture
I get it. You guys love to eat your very unhealthy, triangular-shaped, orange dust holders. What most don’t understand is that crap is made from corn. Since people love to argue with about ingredients, here is a link to the ingredients list. Click the little circle that says “see the nutrition info” so that you can view the ingredients list.
It has corn meal, corn oil, maltodextrin (from corn), and corn flour. How is this NOT made from corn?
If you remember up above, one of the things on the list is “NO CORN” for our apartment. That is because corn burns my youngest son’s skin like acid. He is very allergic to it.
So when people come in to visit with Doritos or Cheetos, I get upset. But when I find that dust shit on my furniture, I get angry. I have to disinfect the couch when you do that. Why can’t you just use a napkin… or not bring it in my house? Respect people and their allergies.
10 Things that annoy me #4: Arguing with me about food
I don’t care what you think when it comes to food. I have read the ingredients. I know what is in the food I am eating and in the food you are bringing into the house. Arguing with me is just going to piss me off. I am thinking of this scenario:
Friend: Want a piece?
Me: No thanks.
Friend: Why? Are you allergic to it?
Me: Yea. I am.
Friend: But I thought you could have [food they are eating]
Me: That’s store-bought so it has [ingredient I am allergic to] so I can’t have it. I can have it if I make it from scratch though.
Friend: No, it does not have that in it. It’s [name of food]. It doesn’t have [ingredient] in it.
Me: Read the ingredients.
Friend: *reads ingredients* Oh. Wow. I didn’t know that was in there. Weird.
I know! It’s like I have read the ingredients a thousand times over a decade and actually know what’s in the food you are eating better than you! WEIRD!
Or another example… and remember… this is a REAL conversation. I shit you not.
Friend: We should have spaghetti and meatballs this weekend. *holding up wheat pasta*
Me: I am allergic to wheat.
Friend: Oh, what happens if you eat wheat?
Me: First puking. Then I go into delayed anaphylaxis.
Friend: Oh that sucks! We need to find a spaghetti noodle you can have!
Me: They have rice noodles I just don’t have the brand I like right now.
Friend: Well we can find something here so you can have dinner with us this weekend.
Me: It’s a lot harder than you think it is.
Friend: OH! I know! We can get a box of that whole wheat pasta and make that for you.
Me: But I am allergic to wheat.
Friend: Yea, but it’s WHOLE wheat so it’s healthy.
Me: But I am ALLERGIC to wheat.
Friend: But if we get WHOLE wheat, you’ll be able to eat it.
Me: That’s not how it works. It doesn’t matter if it’s healthy. If I am allergic to it, then I can’t eat it.
Friend: Well, maybe just eat a little bit then.
Me: I would still go into anaphylaxis.
Friend: Even with whole wheat?
Okay, maybe I should just change this one to “Things that annoy me: Stupid People.” instead.
10 Things that annoy me #5: Having to click more than one link
I hate it when I am searching for something, like a recipe, and I click on a page in Google search. It takes me to the page but it’s just a post about how they tried the recipe and loved it. It was actually on this blog and then has you click there. So I click on that link only to find that it was another blogger and they were posting how they like it but next time they’ll change it to… CLICK… and there is the recipe… sort of. It’s actually the step-by-step guide to how this person does it. And click! And there is the recipe.
Why is it so hard to just post a link to the recipe in your blog instead of having us click through an ocean of blog posts? I end up doing this for crafts and patterns too. It is so freaking annoying. I just want to make a crochet dick! Why do I have to click on every person’s post about how cute their crochet manhood is when I JUST WANT THE FREAKING PATTERN!
And deep breath in…
10 Things that annoy me #6: When you think I should be able to XYZ
If I had a dollar for every time I hear someone says, “Well, this person is allergic to blablabla but they can eat it”. I would be a billionaire 30 times over. Just because that person is mildly allergic to the same thing I am, does not mean that I can do what they can. It also doesn’t mean we have the same reactions to the same allergen.
The time I am thinking of is when someone told me, “Well, this person is allergic to the sun and they went biking 10 miles (or whatever it was).” Well, That person is sensitive to the sun and their symptoms are mild and not at all horrible.
Want to know what happens when I go in the sun too long? See that picture? 20 minutes in the sunshine does that to me. If I medicate quickly, it doesn’t get too horrible. If I don’t, it BURNS! It hurts and feels like acid is being poured on my skin. It usually means I have a heat reaction too which leads to angioedema attacks and epi-pens and rides to the ER in an ambulance.
It’s not worth it. And no, I don’t want to sit in the shade and watch everyone else have fun. Thanks anyway.
10 Things that annoy me #7: People who won’t shut up!
I’ll admit it, I have my chatty Cathy moments. I can talk up a storm at times. But when I am watching a movie, if someone starts talking, I get really annoyed. I want to be able to hear what is going on and you talking all through it is annoying. I can’t hear what they are saying when you are blabbing in my ear.
Especially if you are telling me what is about to happen. If I wanted to hear you tell me about the movie, I’d sit and listen to you instead of watching the movie. If I am watching the movie, assume I can figure out the plot from watching the movie without your commentary.
Or, the other one that drives me nuts… when you are looking for something and you are walking around giving a running commentary.
“Okay. I looked here. I even lifted up the paper just in case. Gah! I can’t believe I lost it. It has to be here somewhere. Maybe if I check in the kitchen. I don’t think I was in there but… I’ll look anyway. Oh em gee! Marvin is going to be irritated. This is the fifteenth time that I lost it just this week.”
Shut up. I don’t need to hear your thought process. In my defense, with the chronic pain, I get sensory overload quickly. I can only handle so much noise. But having a running dialog with yourself if really annoying!
10 Things that annoy me #8: Saying you can drive me, then backing out last-minute
I can’t drive anymore because I have epilepsy. That means I am dependent on everyone else for a ride to my doctor’s appointments. I would take public transportation here but 1) You have to set up an appointment for your ride with 24 hours notice or more and 2) They are not understanding of heat allergies… at all. Because I like to not have to stab myself in the leg with an epi-pen, I ask friends if they can drive me. I pay them whatever Medicaid will reimburse me for transportation.
And what happens about 70% of the time? The person backs out last-minute, with less than 12 hours until my appointment, and leaves me scrambling to find a ride. Never freaking fails either! Why? If you say you can drive me, why back out last-minute? That is rude and not a very good friend. I could see if it were an emergency. I wouldn’t even complain about it if it were. But some of the excuses make me think that I am not really that important. Here are some of the excuses.
Oh. I forgot. (When I reminded the person weekly, then daily)
My friend needs to borrow my car. She hasn’t visited her mom in about a week.
I just don’t want to. In fact, I didn’t want to in the first place. I just didn’t know how to tell you. How about saying, “I don’t want to.” when I ask.
I don’t feel like going today.
I told someone else I would ride with them to Idaho and I would feel bad if I told them no.
And people wonder why I don’t like people. And people wonder why I don’t feel loved or important to others. And people wonder why I have low self-esteem.
10 Things that annoy me #9: People who steal from me or lie to me
This has to do with trust. I tend to trust people I meet, as a general rule. It annoys the hell out of me when people lie to me though. I am not sure if it’s because they lied or because they thought I was stupid enough to believe their line of crap. This goes for people who change their stories too. I may not say anything to you about it, but trust me, I caught your lies and story changes.
I also don’t understand why people steal from me. I have had jewelry go missing, clothes, bags of clothes, medications, entire rolls of trash bags, toilet paper rolls, bottles of shampoo, dishes, SD cards … The list is long. I could fill and entire post with things stolen from me. The thing I don’t get is… if you asked, I would give you the shirt off my back. There is no need to steal. Hungry? I will give you food. Tired? You can sleep on my bed. Need a blanket? I have plenty. Thirsty? I will give you a cup of water or coffee… and you can keep the cup.
The only thing people do by lying to me and stealing things from me, is they lose my trust. That is VERY difficult to earn back. I will probably never trust you again. More than anything, it annoys me that people are dishonest to me.
10 Things that annoy me #10: Reading over my shoulder
This is what I want to do to someone when they read over my shoulder… right here.
If I am on my computer or phone, don’t read over my shoulder. I am a private person. I like to browse the Internet without everyone looking over my shoulder. It’s rude.
I have a personal bubble and I don’t like people in that space. for this very reason, I have my chair in a corner of the living room so no one can stand behind me, breathing down my neck, viewing my Facebook as I scroll or support board that is pretty personal.
What I am doing on my computer is none of your business. So when people sit down on the couch next to my chair and stretch their neck over to see what’s going on and see what I am typing, it is annoying as hell. STOP THAT! It’s none of your business what I am doing on here. I should not have to hide my porn Facebook feed or chat from people!
There you have it. I got it off my chest and I feel better!
Here is an easy question with a very easy answer. The last thing that made me cry was back pain. While medical marijuana is nice for helping with pain, there are times when I wake up, or I move wrong, or I walk one step too far where I go from “manageable pain” to “oh dear GAWD! Make it stop!” within just a few minutes. Yesterday was one of those days. I sat down too fast and the pain started screaming.
Yes, I sat down too fast. That is why my pain went from a 5 to an 8 within minutes and there you have it. Not the most exciting question to answer or anything.
My coffee is almost done brewing for the morning and I have to say, I am so proud of myself! I thought I was going to need to buy more coffee before my food money for the month got here but I have JUST enough to make it until food money day! YAY! Go frugal me!
Back to the original post
Most people won’t understand this if they aren’t living in chronic pain. I have Fibromyalgia and it makes my days very painful. I take marijuana for it (tincture in the morning, vape in the evening) and while I love it and I love living in a pain reduced life, some days just suck worse than others.
I still can’t go and do the things I have wanted to do for a while. There is no camping (yet) or long walks or running and playing. We don’t have a pool here for swimming so my exercise is a but limited right now. But it’s still a hell of a lot better than what it was. I am not crying every day anymore. I just have those days where my body just snaps and yells, “I HATE YOU!” That was yesterday.
Share a secret you’ve never told anyone. Until now…
I was pondering this question for a while. I am an open and honest person. Sometimes to the point of it being a fault of mine. If you ask me a question, I will tell you the answer. It might not be the answer you were looking for, but I will tell you anyway. After all, you asked for it! So, I thought about all the secrets I could tell you guys.
Had a son who died because I took him off life support… nope, already told that.
All my medical conditions… talk about them all the time.
My children… talk about them all the time too.
My ex… talk about him some too.
There really isn’t anything very secretive about me at all. And then I had a conversation with someone (who wishes not to be named on my blog) about life, death, poverty, and self-image; and it hit me! I know what secrets I am going to share. I say secrets because they go hand in hand. Get the happy pills ready… here we go!
Death is not an end
This isn’t really a huge secret. Many people believe in an afterlife. But I do remember things that aren’t from this life. I remember them vividly. I have had out of body experiences and near death experiences. I can tell you that is what shaped my beliefs, partly. This is why I would never commit suicide. You can kill your body, but the soul continues on and you will be reborn into something or someone. Your energy is what makes you who you are. Not so much the body. The body is just a physical experience you claim before you are born.
Call me crazy all you want but, I warned you about that when I called my blog “Crazy Woman’s Journal“.
Let’s say you have a shitty life and you decide to off yourself. You will get to redo the life over again. Maybe not the exact same life, but one with similar problems. You can get a new life here in this time or in an alternate universe. It won’t matter if you kill yourself because you will get to redo it over and over until you live the life you are supposed to complete.
Analogy time! Your life is a series of books…
It would be like if your life were a series of books. You were reading through the books and decided in book 3 that you didn’t want to read them anymore and threw them in the trash. You went to the life library and picked a new set of books and started reading. But damn it! These books are following the same story line as the last series. You toss that set in the trash too and go back for another series to read.
This next series is JUST like the last two series. Same type of characters, same settings, and I swayer to you, the story is the same as the first two. Only this time you begrudgingly finish reading the series to learn something amazing, some life altering experience that you didn’t expect.
So, while the books sucked at first, and droned on in some areas, and one chapter just described a cat’s fur, the story line (as a whole) has a purpose.
That purpose sometimes sucks
While some lives are meant to change something or be amazing, other lives are a form of punishment. I call this idea “The Good, the bad, and the ugly”.
Some people get to have amazing lives with “demons” they still have to battle or overcome. They might create a mega-company that changes the world. They might become doctors who revolutionize cancer treatments. They might be some guy who discovers something great but it’s not recognized in this life. They might be an artist who touches many. There are so many great lives people can live.
Then there are the shitty lives where you just seem to suffer, can never get ahead, or spend the rest of your life in jail or as a slave. These lives aren’t pointless though. They have meaning too. They serve a purpose. Sometimes they are for you to learn some lesson about hardship.
Like, how to live frugally… or how to survive in the mountains after a government overthrow… or how to live homeless… or how you can survive living in chronic pain even though it sucks ass… or to teach you to stand up for yourself when you have lived an oppressed life… or how to change your way of thinking and not be so closed-minded… or a chance to fight in a revolution and help make a change.
It can also be a punishment. It’s a life meant for paying a karmic debt, for lack of a better word.
Let’s say that you had a life where you decided to try making lamp shades out of your friend’s skin and stew out of there brains and vital organs. In that life, you got away with it and caused a lot of pain to many people, not just the one’s you killed off and consumed. Their families, their friends, the community, the state, the nation… everyone who was effected by your murderous, carnivorous, interior decorating spree adds to your karmic debt.
If, in that life, you were caught, went to jail, found remorse, and tried to better yourself; your karmic debt would be less. But that life, you managed to evade police, killed a puppy or ten for fun, set random fires that no one linked to you, and basically were just a psychopathic asshole. Your karmic debt would probably follow you through several lives of becoming Mother Teresa or Princess Di before you would be out of karmic debt.
Not all karmic debt if that extreme though. Sometimes you just suffer through a disease but end up beating it because your karmic debt is paid. Or you have a series of bad things happen but nothing that sends you to a padded room. It’s things that you survive and make it through… and then you help others get through the same thing and your karmic debt gets better each time.
Basically, it’s complicated.
Deep Dark Secret #2: My Karmic Debt
I sometimes jokingly say that whatever I did in my last life must have been horrible to deserve such a shit life like this. But honestly, I don’t think it was really that bad because I could have it much worse.
I do honestly think that this life is here as part of a karmic debt and part as a lesson that I have not figured out yet. Whatever I did in a past life wasn’t heinous like the murderous example above but it hurt a lot of people nonetheless and now I am paying my debt.
I am assuming here… It probably has something to do with medical since I am living with so many medical problems and I have a hard time with doctors treating me horrible. It probably has something to do with affection since I have trouble bonding with people. Or maybe those are just random forms of punishment that were doled out it has nothing to do with that at all.
Anyway, I do believe that this life is a punishment (for lack of a better word) where I am paying my karmic debt. I have trouble seeing myself as anything good which, I think, is part of the debt. People tell me I am talented, amazing, and all sorts of amazing things but I just can’t see it. I wish that for one day, I could see myself through someone else’s eyes.
Here is a minor example. I drew this picture of my cat, Sweetie. People say it is amazing and I did a great job. I don’t see it. I don’t see why it is so good. I can see all my mistakes though.
I think the disconnection I feel is just a part of my karmic debt. I can connect just enough so that I am not completely isolated emotionally. But, if I bond with someone or get close to them, they are taken away in one form or another. I am supposed to be alone this life (this much I know). At some point I may bond with someone and they won’t disappear, and then I will know my karmic debt is paid. It may not happen in this life. If it doesn’t, then I know it will happen early in my next life and we will be very close.
Until then, I only have enough bonding to keep me from going insane. When I meet a person that I instantly feel like I could bond with, I find myself pushing them away. Not because I don’t want to have a bond with people but because I don’t want my friends to keep dying off at an amazing rate and in violent manners. I imagine that the person who pushes back and won’t go away… I imagine that is the person that will help me see my worth and finally have my debt paid.
So, if you are my friend and wonder why I tend to run away and not get close to you, this is why. It’s my punishment. And I am sorry for it but I don’t know how to change it, or make it better, or make my friends stop disappearing, or make them stop dying, or make them stay without clinging to them so much that they start to hate me. But mostly, I am sorry.
I don’t know what karmic debt I am repaying but I hurt someone really bad and now, I am paying for it with this life. There are no words that can convey my sorrow.
When I started planning this post, I realized that it would be different depending on the circumstance.
Was I on death row, for some reason, and I would be dead at the end?
Was I deciding to become Breatharian, and live as long as I could on light and air alone?
Did I just learn that I would have to have my stomach removed and I would be fed from a G-tube forever?
Was I trying to escape from some evil organization and food was my way out?
Am I just suicidal and want to die happy for one moment? (Note: I am not suicidal nor could I ever kill myself)
The reason for this is, some food can kill me. Literally. For example, I could die if I eat peanut butter, turkey, or soy. So if I am trying to kill myself, I would have one meal. BUT, if I was trying to live afterwards, I would want a different meal.
Here are the two menus.
Menu 1: I want to live
I would have homemade BBQ sauce on slow cooked chicken. Or maybe a nice slow cooked roast. Or maybe both. My favorite veggies are broccoli and sweet carrots, southern style, so I would of course have those. My homemade macaroni and cheese is a must! And homemade gluten-free biscuits. Not shown: I would also have mashed sweet potatoes with gravy flowing over them that I would dip my biscuit in before eating. Oh man, I can almost taste the BBQ sauce just thinking about it.
Menu 2: All caution to the wind! Here I come sweet release of death!
The second menu doesn’t have a picture because I would die if I tried making it. Instead here is a clip art of a sandwich.
If I were planning on dying, food really wouldn’t be that option because dying of anaphylaxis or slowly suffocating to death would be on my list of ways I don’t ever want to die. But, pretending that my life turns into a horrible movie and death by sandwich looks like the only option out my menu would be…
One, maybe two, bites of a turkey sandwich. My sandwich would have wheat bread, mayonnaise made with soybean oil, raw tomato, turkey slices, american cheese, and mustard. It would have to be made by someone else because I would start gasping for air before I ever got to take the first bite if I tried making it myself.
I say “one, maybe two, bites” because it doesn’t take long to start gasping for air when I touch turkey. Without an epi-pen, I would suffocate to death not long into my loaf of loathing and my nightmare inducing situation would probably end with my body being dumped on a jogging trail somewhere.
And trust me when I say this part… if my body is found on a jogging trail, I was killed and dumped there!
I chose this for my next topic: Top 5: Share a post with the top 5 blogs you just can’t get enough of. As a mini continued celebration of my six years on WordPress. I am not positive all of these are blogs but I visit them often. In no particular order…
I just learned that I can change my font size for my list posts! That is so cool! Okay, back to the original post…
#1 Blog I Love to Visit: One Good Thing by Jillee
One Good Thing by Jillee is a great blog. I think I found this one while searching for a recipe for a cleaning product because I mostly make my own or just use soap and water. I started browsing here site and fell in love. She has recipes, tips, and tricks for cleaning, laundry, health and beauty, gardening, green living, holidays, and more.
#2 Blog I Love to Visit: ProBlogger
I found ProBlogger, Darren Rowse, years ago when I was trying to turn blogging into an real job. He has great tips and advice and there is new content daily. If you click here to visit ProBlogger, anything you buy will help me make a little extra money.
I have three of his books and I really love them. They were very helpful and I strongly recommend the book “31 Days to Building a Better Blog” if you are working on making blogging your career. I am more wanting to blog for fun and not so much as a career. That way, if I make a little money, WOOHOO! but I am not expecting it.
#3 Blogs I Love to Visit: Digital Photography School
Also from Darren Rowse is the blog Digital Photography School. (I get nothing for you clicking that link). While eventually I will probably buy his books on the site, I haven’t bought any so I don’t feel right sharing them through an affiliate link on here yet. He is a great blogger and all the content on the site has kept me intrigued and coming back for more which is why I added it here.
This blog helped me with my photography skills a lot and I am hoping on day that photography and blogging will be more than just hobbies. I am gaining confidence in both with Darren’s help.
I am a fan of this blog! I think it’s a blog. If not, oh well, I love this one anyway! Hillbilly Housewife is where I like to go for recipes. I found her YEARS ago when I lived in Tennessee. I moved from Tennessee in 2006. I think I was using this before I worked as a CNA which would be 2003. Really, this is my long-term place to visit on the web.
I successfully used their $40 a week emergency menufor a family of four to six people. When I used it, the groceries were $30 a week. In 2009, it was $70 a week. But the emergency menu is still a valuable resource.
I totally LOVE the Magic Milk Shake recipe! It tastes JUST like a Wendy’s Frosty and it’s super cheap to make. If you are allergic to milk, you can try it with a powdered milk alternative, like coconut or almond. Just make sure there isn’t any casein in it.
#5 Blogs I Love to Visit: A2Z Homeschool
I started homeschooling my children in 2001 and A2Z Homeschool became my gold mine of resources, information, and support. I’ve been using this site wince 2001 and I am STILL finding new and interesting things to read on there. The best part is that they are religiously neutral. They share information on religious and secular homeschooling alike and share the information without bias.