I am having a lot of trouble with this one. I can’t really think of anything that was “excruciatingly embarrassing”. I don’t really go enough places to embarrass myself except to the store with my friends and when… Oh, wait… no… I thought of one.
“YOU’RE NOT YOU!”
My friend, Nikky, and I were on a road trip from Bremerton, WA back home to Montana. We were sleep deprived and just wanted to get home. But, first we had to pee. So we stopped at Fred Meyer’s in Tacoma and went running inside because we didn’t stop in two hours and we were chugging coffee.
The lay out of that Fred Meyer is strange. The bathroom was at the end of a very long hall that was at the end of another very long hall. Nikky made it first, saw that someone was in one of the stalls and took one near the middle and then tucked her feet back behind the toilet so I would only see one set of feet when I went in.
It worked, I saw one set of feet, ran straight to the back of the bathroom, took the last stall and barely made it onto the toilet. And peeing felt so good at that point. My bladder was hurting from holding it so long. Being the silly person I am, I said loudly and enthusiastically, “OH MY GOD! That feels so good!” I hear Nikky laugh. So I said, “I feel like a new man!” She laughed more.
It was great fun. When I was done, I was getting my pants up when I saw a person walk out of the stall and head to the sinks. Their coat was white. My friend’s coat is white. I thought it was my friend.
Hand washing gone wrong
So I walk out, walk up to a sink, soap up, and turn to the person thinking it’s my friend… I realized it wasn’t her and jumped and shrieked, “OH MY GOD! YOU’RE NOT YOU!” The poor lady recoiled and stepped as far from me as she could.
By this time, Nikky had come out of the stall and laughing hysterically. It was the kind of laugh you give when you are sleep deprived and everything is exceptionally funny. She starts washing her hands as I start rinsing mine off. I turn to Nikky and explained that I thought the other lady was her. I didn’t even know there was someone else in the bathroom. We laugh.
I went to dry my hands and get out of the bathroom as fast as possible because I was dying of embarrassment at this point. I grabbed paper towels, dry my hands, toss them in the trash, and head for the door as Nikky follows me out. So I turn to her and get like inches from her face, literally, before I realize it’s not Nikky. It’s the other lady… AGAIN!
I jumped back and yelled, “OH MY GOD! YOU’RE STILL NOT YOU!” which is when Nikky completely lost it and started belly laughing, complete with gasping for air. The poor lady pushed her way past me and ran out of the bathroom. I stood there mortified for a second as Nikky dried her hands and headed toward the door.
As we left the bathroom, we see the lady running down the hallway, hitting the other hallway wall, turning and running out of sight. EVERYONE in the hallway turned to look at us as Nikky fell out of the bathroom in hysterics.
We managed to make it through the store and back out to the vehicle. But I learned a lesson that day. Nikky laughs are amazing. I also make sure it’s actually Nikky before I start talking and not some terrified lady. I will never live that down.